do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Randomize