i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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