I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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