They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
