we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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