omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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