never play flip cup with pint glasses
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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