I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
