no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
