My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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