Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
