I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
