'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I believe in your delicious
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
