OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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