he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
