Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
