She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
