am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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