If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
