I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
