It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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