I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
