I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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