somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
