it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
