He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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