cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
