I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
