If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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