i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
