your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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