I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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