Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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