so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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