What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
