I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
