just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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