You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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