my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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