did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i permit you to call me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
