It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
