In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
