Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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