I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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