you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
