I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
