Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize