Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
