we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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