I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
