Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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