i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I could fuck to npr.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
