Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
