I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
