lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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