you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
