Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
