The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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