Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
