I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
