Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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