an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
