The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
