Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
