Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
