She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
