...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
