take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
