Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
