I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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