i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
