I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
