He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
