If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
