you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
