can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
