When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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