A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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