We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
