my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
