He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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