hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
