i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
