you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
