yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
