Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
