i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
