Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
