I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
