does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
