you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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