Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
