Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
