its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
