i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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