you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
