census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
