kristin has been a bad kristin
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
