Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
